Take it on Faith
I've been nervous to talk openly about being trans for a long time. But I think I've got a lot to share from my perspective having lived on both sides of the world, both sides of hope, and both sides of gender. So I decided to finally share an important piece to me about what it means to know who I am, but not have any proof to show for it.
Take it on Faith
(c) EB Words
Creeping, sneaking, thief in the dark.
Wading, clothes cascading
Closet raiding and they'll be home soon.
Chances fading then what will I do?
One more piece for the piece of art
Trembling, shaking, chest is quaking
Smooth and snug in strange places,
But in the mirror I'm simply faking
A boy in a mother's dress hardly fits the part
All the hopes and expectation, but for what?
Self-conception, self-inspection- for a moment true in the reflection?
No
For all the truth of the truth in my heart
With a mask I can't remove what more's there to do
Than sit tight, act right
And hope that one day there's a way for me to break through.
Just gotta
take it on faith
Take it on faith
Like me.
Take it in faith,
Take in faith
like me
In the mean time try to smile like the guys
cross my arms and slouch like the guys
Look cold and flirt and make eyes like the guys
Tried to fool myself but couldn't take my eyes from the prize
Couldn't stop me from
Just wishin', and hoping',and dreamin', and prayin'
Ain't get me nothing though I tried plenty
Try, even tried to take my life
And the times were many
But nothing I tried ever seemed to make right
Til a new word lands
In the palms of my hands.
"Hey Emeri, you ever think you might be trans?"
Oh
Flash forward fast forward
Dad says, "how do you know you're a woman?" I say, " How do you know you're a man?"
He says, "That's not the same." I say, "Don't you understand?
That's all I got to go on,
All I got to know I'm me.
Try and stand in court against judge and jury:
Crying and trying brothers, mothers, doctors, and lovers.
Argue your case that you weren't supposed to be born this way
No shred of proof or words to say its true
'Cept this isn't me, and if you disbelieve then
just gotta
Just gotta
Take it on faith.
Take it in faith
Like me
Take it on faith
Take it on faith
Like me
Wakin' up in a hospital room
Beside me I see bodies through the gloom
I'm aching in all the wrong places
But it feels good and my face is smiling
Great aunts and uncles cryin', "just
Why could you've tried harder to find. Jesus?"
Mom and Dad cryin', "just why'd
You make me say good-bye to me son?"
But inside my chest is only light
And I know it's only just begun.
Trace my hands over my chest
Bring them between my legs to rest
Breath is easy, pulse just a little bit speedy
And I close my eyes and spread my lips wide to see what I couldn't in the mirror all those years ago.
The divine answered my prayers
but the divine was in me, you see?
My family and friends look to me with worry
And ask, are you, will you, will you always be-happy?
I says,
Just gotta
Just gotta
Just gotta
Take in on faith
Take it on faith
Like me
Take it on faith
Take it on faith
Like me
Take it on faith
Take it on faith
Like me
Take it on faith
Take it on faith
